


Not Your Regular Second Year

by blueshadows



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anagrams, Chamber of Secrets, Crack, Drabble, Gen, Harry Potter Second Year, Harry on a Roll, Harry's Many Origin Stories, OP Harry, Out of Character, They're not detailed, absolutely ridiculous, makes no sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 02:51:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13262067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueshadows/pseuds/blueshadows
Summary: At this point, Tom looked like he was about to bust a vein. Harry, when he looked, could’ve sworn he saw his forehead throbbing. Really, he made it so easy. It was hardly his fault.“Oh, I suppose I should let you know, but I’m not really a second year. I have a lot of origin stories, actually. They don’t really make sense. But it’s why I’m not what you thought you’d find. I think.”--Basically Harry being ridiculous and OP, with too many Powerful Harry stories referenced here.Really, this is just a hot mess. But not hot.





	Not Your Regular Second Year

**Author's Note:**

> If you happen to read/write/love those Powerful!Harry stories, more power to you! I myself am guilty of the same.  
> However, they can also get pretty ridiculous at times, no matter how enjoyable. So here's a small crack fic (my first crack fic, not sure how I did)

**I AM LORD VOLDEMORT**

The words floated above Harry in fiery words, Tom looking on at him expectantly. Was he supposed to be impressed? Or maybe he wanted to see fear. Harry didn’t know what it was he wanted, but he was pretty sure that the snicker he got was not it.

“You mean, out of all the things you could’ve gone with, you chose ‘I am Lord Voldemort’?” His voice was colored with amusement. 

“I mean, think about it. There are so many other options you could’ve gone with.” A few wand flicks later, and the words rearranged themselves, letters extracted one after the next until they formed ‘DILDO’ quite clearly in front of them. “Like, I know that you’re going for the Dark Lord thing and all, but this is just so good. Really, just look at it!”

And then there were more flicks, and the rest of the letters also rearranged themselves. 

“You could’ve said ‘Mr. Tom, a Dildo Lover’ for one.” A few seconds later and another arrangement revealed itself. “What about ‘Immortal Love Rodd?’, hm? No?” he did it again. “‘Mild Moor, Dad Lover’ doesn’t sound awful either, but then again, you hate your dad and nothing you do is what I would call mild. You’re not from the moors either, so I can see why you didn’t go with that one.”

At this point, Tom looked like he was about to bust a vein. Harry, when he looked, could’ve sworn he saw his forehead throbbing. Really, he made it so easy. It was hardly his fault. 

“Oh, I suppose I should let you know, but I’m not really a second year. I have a lot of origin stories, actually. They don’t really make sense. But it’s why I’m not what you thought you’d find. I think.”

“You see, my mom sacrificed herself for me and gave me the ultimate protection of her love, so I didn’t die when you tried to kill me. And then I was stolen away by Hagrid and Dumbledore left me at my aunt’s doorstep. You know, in the middle of October. It was a little cold, and I should’ve been given a warming charm or something but we’ll ignore that. Anyway, the Dursley’s (that’s my aunt’s husband’s name, awful, I know) had a grand ol’ time raising me. I got to do the dishes and cook and clean and be a punching bag for Dudley too. But then one day a man started visiting me and told me all these things and taught me how to use magic. But he said I couldn’t have my revenge…” And off he went on a rather long rant about his origins.

The timelines really didn’t make sense. At some point of finishing his original story, he made a face like he’d forgotten something and started on another story, one where he was whisked away by some mysterious man in dark robes and trained to be a great wizard, and didn’t you know that he’d actually somehow slipped through time and back? Oh! And don’t forget, he’s also the Master of Death, has been since that October night. And was a werewolf because he got bit in a war…. and on and on he went…

 

-A few hours later-

 

“...And well, that’s why I’m not your regular second year.” He finished with great aplomb. Only to find that no one was there when he’d finished except for Ginny, who was just starting to stir. 

The diary, which he could’ve sworn had only moments ago been on the floor of the chamber, was gone. In its place was a note written in beautiful cursive.

‘Shut up and take the girl. You give me a headache.’

Harry grinned. It wasn’t every day that it was so easy to score one on a Dark Lord. He’d have to take note of it.


End file.
